Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Kaelan's Pony Express Story and more on our new writing method

Yesterday I posted Aaron's somewhat edited Pony Express story. He has already corrected the misspelled words and most of the punctuation. We need to go back and look at comma usage and when to make new paragraphs. The whole story is one paragraph, but that's ok...we're learning and that will be our topic for this week

Kaelan's unedited story is below. There are several obvious misspelled words, run-on sentences, and punctuation errors that we need to work on. Most of the spelling we worked on last week, but she added more to the story yesterday which included more misspelled words. I hope to have these things addressed this week and our final versions completed by Friday. I think they have enjoyed this assignment so far. They certainly have an imagination!

Yesterday I woke up in the loft in St. Joseph. It was a cold winter dawn. I got up shivering to see if it was still snowing, it was. I got dressed in a hurry, I had to eat my breakfast fast. The Pony Express would be here soon. George is never late. I’d have to tell my stable boy to get my horse ready. Hmmmm....the mush never tasted better. The maid said “Mr. Park! George is here! hurry now, your horse is out frount.” I grabed my gun and hat and dashed out the door. I jumped on my horse and galloped down the rode. I wouldn’t be back for three days. I urged my horse thru the snow. We had to get there before dark. Good thing I left early. Finaly we were in a town. Ten more miles. Wer’e in a long valley. Bang! “Ow!! My arm!” Blood gushed out. Oh...I wish I didn’t yell. If I didn’t get out of here fast a band of injuns wold be on me fast. “Come on Thunder! We gotta get outta here!” As soon as she heard “get out of here” she ran so fast I could hardly stay on the saddle. Wait a minute. We’re here all ready? Hurray! I went right to the station. I opened the door fell right on the floor sound asleep. Boy was I exhosed. When I woke up, the doc was rapping my arm up. He said the bullet went straite thru. He said to stay in bed a couple of days. I said “Sure thing doc, I planned on doing that anyway.” He just busted out laphing. The next day when I woke up, the doc was putting more stuff to stop the pain. He said when I felt less dizzy, I could get up. The cook fixed a good breakfast of fried corn mush, cofee, eggs and cornbread. It never tasted better. The cook said I slept for to days. I said my thanks, got out of bed and ran out the door before anyone could stop me. I had heard Indians on the war path. They’re cries didn’t sound pleasant. I told the boys to get my horse ready fast. When they we’re done, I jumped on my horse fast. We galloped toward the sound of cries. One of the braves shot my hat off. Way too close. There were lots of other men so the battle did not last long. I was rideing back home to the station hopeing I’d be in time for a nice hot bread ‘n’ rabbit stew. I was hoping that the cook would have a nice apple pie for dessert. Mmm,mmm. One mile till home. My horse broke into a gallop. I started whistling “Yankee Doodle!” “Wow!” said I. My horse an’ I were already there. I told my horse to go striaght to the staiyion. Soon as we got there, I jumped off Thunder, ran in the house, to my surprise, the cook, Matilda, had put the food on the table and was eating. She stopped eating and looked at me as if I were a ghost. “Land sakes Jim! You scared the liven’ daylights outta me!” Giggeling, I went to wash my hands. I came back in sat down to eat, and started a conversation like a gentleman.


Anonymous said...

I am a new reader and just wanted to tell you that I have put off my laundry happily and immersed myself in reading!
I love the story, what an imagination!

Anonymous said...

I love his descriptions. Great job!

BTW, I would love to see the God's Design for Life: Human Body that you have. I have the Physical Science books but have only viewed a few limited on-line samples of the Life Science so that would be great. I'll see you tomorrow! Thanks.

Cherry Sims said...

Great story, Kaelan. I expect you'll be on a Christian fiction list soon!

Cherry Sims, AFA

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